Biomedical Science graduate experience (medical observations I made whilst on citalopram):
I started taking citalopram at nearly 20 years old. I had on and off depression since aged 12 due to bullying and parental addiction, but my ex cheating on me in second year of university was the “tip of the iceberg”. I finally caved in and decide to give antidepressants a try, and was put on 20mg Citalopram. Looking back, this somehow dragged the heartache on for nearly 2 years, and I wasn’t able to move on with my life until I stopped taking them. I started in February 2022, and didn’t sit my second year university exams in May 2022, pushing them forward to August ‘22 and scoring in the 40’s and 50’s when I usually score higher. I lost all motivation for university. Come final year, I never went to lectures, I was so unbearably fatigued, I was only alert for about 7 hours a day before fighting sleep. In about December 2022 I experienced OCD behaviours, including “intrusive thoughts” for the first time, which deeply disturbed me and made me feel like I was losing my mind. I failed my final year exams, I struggled severely with my dissertation progress throughout the year, and my sexual libido was completely gone. In August ‘23, after watching all my peers graduate, and noting the severe fatigue, weight gain (from a much slower metabolism since starting- gained over 2 stone in one year), OCD behaviours and emotional numbness, I decided to stop, to focus on my repeat exams. This time, unlike other previous attempts at withdrawing, I finally pushed through the severe withdrawal symptoms; active suicidal thoughts, paranoia, severe anxiety and depression. I “cold-turkey” quit them (sudden and not graduate withdrawal) and found I still lacked the motivation for exams I once had before taking these, as well as have the energy I once had. After a couple of months however I got my “personality” back. I was no longer numb to emotions, which can actually mirror depression and unconsciously keep you in a depressive state for much longer than usual. My “baseline” depression prior to taking anti depressants never included active suicidal thoughts. I noticed withdrawals from antidepressants cause a dip that is much worse than the “original baseline” of depression (prior to medication). It was frightening.
The one thing antidepressants did help me with was hyperhydrosis (cold sweats) from anxiety. It also prevented me from over-reacting with anger to situations. It was like there was an “angel on my shoulder” defending the person I was mad at and helped me see reason and realise when I was in the wrong or over-reacting to a situation.
Fast forward a few months post-quitting citalopram, my metabolism is working properly again, I’m losing weight naturally, hyperhydrosis is completely gone (which I struggled with for about 4 years prior to medication). Sexual libido never returned to normal but isn’t necessarily gone. My anger has returned. But despite this, I also experience happiness in a way antidepressants didn’t allow. Life if full of ups and downs, but antidepressants just gave me bleak nothingness. No real emotion; which includes severe happiness. I finally laughed and danced again, sang to songs in the car, my “ups” are so worth the slight anger I may have noticed, and the depression has most certainly subsided. Like I said, that “nothingness” can be mistaken by the brain as “I feel low/ depressed today.” I also passed my exams (barely) and am graduating this December. I will never look back at antidepressants, and would never advise them to anybody. Read More Read Less